Vacations are a time to relax, break away from the norm, have fun and make memories, fond memories.

Vacations can be expensive depending on your style, likes, dislikes and expectations. In most recent times, kids have become more and more exposed to the world through over 200 cable channels, the internet (You Tube, social media platforms), Netflix and the ability to communicate with others around the world. This exposure has increased their appetite for adventure and thanks to frequent mile programs, school vacations during the off-season and cheap travel web sites, the world is their oyster…Without the funds. LOL. It’s nothing to hear a child say, “What are we doing for fall break?” “Can we go to Cancun for Spring Break?” “Can we go to Australia during Christmas?” “I’ve never been on a cruise.” “I don’t want to go to Myrtle Beach again.” “I need a passport!”

Kids are funny!

While married, you and your ex pillow talked about the kids and the places or things you would like for them to experience.

I can’t wait til we take the kids _____
I would love to see the kids face when they see _____
He/She would love to go ____

Nothing is wrong with dreaming and expectations. Now that you are divorced, do you abandon what you want for your kids? Of course not. Should the ex also experience some of the same adventures at the same time? Depends.

While legally separated I attempted an off-season vacation to Universal Studios in Orlando, FL for a week with the ex while the kids were out of school.

If you know me, then you know that I love amusement parks as well as the ex. It has always been a joy and tradition of ours to expose the kids to amusement parks as well. As a general rule, we don’t start exposure until the child is past the nap phase, can walk all day in the park unassisted and able to carry his/her own drinks and souvenirs. No strollers and bag holding for this mama.

Our son was 7 and his rite of passage was upon us. I called and asked if the ex wanted to go. School was out for a week, picture prefect February weather and no crowds, what could go wrong?

The Ex said yes and the planning began. We discussed finances and sleeping arrangements before departure (separate rooms of course). We surprised the kids and they were so happy to visit Universal Studios that they didn’t focus on who was going vs. our living situation at home.

The ex and I left all of our anger and lawyers and negotiations and finger-pointing back home. The vacation was a success. We had a lot of fun but most importantly the kids had fun.

The goal was achieved but at what cost?

We looked like a hypocrites.

– It was no secret that the ex and I didn’t communicate much at home so going on vacation and speaking daily was confusing to the kids. Why in FL and not at home?
– If we could get along for one (1) week why couldn’t we get along in the marriage? There were no arguments or ‘disagreements’ for an entire week.
– If we could visit amusement parks, restaurants and shows on vacation, why couldn’t we do family activities daily, at home? From the kids point of view, hanging out, riding in the car together and eating dinner together is what family is all about.
– The interaction wasn’t genuine. We faked it.

Lessons

If I don’t openly communicate with you on a regular basis, why spend vacation days and money doing the same thing?  I can non communicate at home for free.

Kids can and do see through everything.

No one should make self-sacrifice on vacation. Life is too short.

If you have a great relationship with your ex, then go for it. Joint vacations can be a success.

I won’t do it again!

~Elle Camille