I was very upset… well pissed off when the kids got in the car a little late AGAIN!  The kids know that 7 am is the time we NEED to leave home every morning.  Leave home time is defined as:  everyone who is being transported in the vehicle should be seated and buckled up in said vehicle; designated time vehicle begins to move out of driveway or said spot.

Leaving home time is not the time to come downstairs and begin to fix lunch, get breakfast, ask questions, sign papers, put on shoes, etc.  It’s not a hard concept:  Be ready to leave at 7 am.

As we rode in silence, I began to reflect on the entire morning trying to figure out what went wrong. After 30 mins, the light bulb went off:  I had not been clear in communicating my expectations and what ‘leaving home’ meant. I failed at being an effective communicator.    Ouch!!  The word we all love to hate:  COMMUNICATION.

What a revelation at 7:45 am.  Now I had to do some self-reflecting.  Communication is defined as the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.

I don’t think my communication style is successful.

While married, were some of the issues due to a lack of effective, successful communication on my part?

If yes, then why am I mad at him and not myself?  Hmmmmm.

I am not giving the ex a pass here. There are a lot of valid reasons that caused us to divorce, but maybe, just maybe some of the not so valid reasons are because I didn’t effectively communicate.

How can I expect something from someone when they are honestly clueless because my communication was not successful?

Communication is a 2-way street but if you know your partner then you know their strengths and weaknesses and sometimes, just sometimes you have to make adjustments to be effective.

Kids are different than adults I know, but the common denominator in the relationships between both groups is ME.

The Huffington Post’s 2013 article “Divorce Causes: 5 Communication Habits That Lead To Divorce” lists the five (5) types of communication habits.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/29/divorce-5-communication-h_n_2159531.html

1. Inauthenticity
2. Incongruence
3. Win-lose attitude
4. Interrupting, finishing sentences and forgetting to pause
5. Focusing on the negative, and impoliteness

Over time, these 5 communication habits can erode any relationship. Who knew there were different types of communication? I will share my ‘weakness’ in upcoming blogs and give tips on how to overcome.

Healing after a divorce is going to take time.  Part of the healing process is being honest with yourself and examining opportunities for improvement

I will continue to work on me during this healing time and add communication to my list.

What’s on your list?

`Elle Camille