Yes, yes, yes!!! That was my first response when I received the call from my lawyer stating “The final decree has been signed. You are now divorced.” Sheer joy! You get a divorce and you get a divorce and you get a divorce was ringing in my ears.  I was free!

Initially, the joy of not having to deal with pending court appointments, lawyers and negotiating everything from who gets that piece of art to vacation schedules with the kids was too great to hold inside. I called all of my close friends and started to plan a party.   I was ready to go paint the town red no longer legally separated but divorced.

10 minutes later reality hit.  Free from what and why am I so joyous?

Let’s face it, my marriage failed and I should not be that happy about the situation.  The marriage wasn’t saved, I have kids to co-parent, holidays to share and a king size bed for 1.  I began to feel like a failure.  I know it takes two people to make a successful marriage.  I am human and it’s ok to feel some sense of failure.

I allowed myself another 10 mins to feel bad.  Then the sun began to rise over the horizon.   I realized I was:

Free to move on

Free to accept my current situation

Free to cry or laugh

Free to discover a new hobby

Free to leave all the lights on

Free to answer only to me

Free to discover the new me

Divorce isn’t a failure, but a different course that I didn’t plan to take.

Yes I am free. Free to be me!

~Elle Camille